Last night I cried. I may have cried before each of my children were born. Except for Clementine because her birth was unexpected, but I’m sure I shed a few tears as my due date came and went. I cried last night because my time is up.

Last week at my appointment I agreed to be induced on Thursday, December 18 as a last resort. It’s only one day after my due date so saying, “last resort” seems sort of lame. But as Christmas is quickly approaching and I realized I did not want to spend Christmas away from my other 3 children and in the hospital, this was my only option.

As it is, I will probably not feel up to going to their Christmas play at church on Sunday and this too added to the tears. Each day since last Thursday I have hoped and prayed that she would come on her own. That I would not have to get up at 3:30 am in the dark on the 18th and drive to the hospital to be hooked up to medication.

I wanted to avoid an induction because the one I had with Milo was unpleasant and long-lasting. (However the one I had with Emeline was fine and I know that any 2 births will not be the same). But I also wanted the thrill and surprise of going into labor with this last baby. But Christmas is getting in the way.

Each day, each contraction I’ve wondered if this could be it. Hoped. Prayed. And each day I went to bed disappointed. It was not meant to be. Last night it all crashed down upon me. And I felt very sorry for myself and wondered if I’d made the right decision.

But today I’m better. Resolved to tomorrow’s procedures, packing bags and squeezing my kids, knowing the end result will be worth it.

If you think about it, say a prayer for me tomorrow that things will go well.

All guessers of the 18th as the birth day will be placed in a hat and a winner drawn when I’m back home. Then your gift certificate will be mailed to you. My doctor picked this date, not me so you have him to thank if you won.

Clark calls me every day and says, “Are you in labor?”

I think he may be ready to get off work. Sometimes he even asks me that when we are just sitting around the house. I’ve told him that it doesn’t happen the way it does on television. Suddenly a woman grabs her belly and announces, “This is it!” and off to the hospital they go.

I’ve only gone into labor on my own once and it a slow process. A time of wondering if this was really it, timing contractions and finally, driving the speed limit to the hospital.

Some days I have plenty to keep me occupied. Like yesterday when my cousin came over with her 3 kids and I took a million pictures of her adorable baby.

But today has been hard. It rained all day. We did lessons but after that I was bored. And don’t tell my kids because I don’t let them say they’re bored. Bored people get a list of things to do. Which is probably what I need. But I seem to have lost that nesting feeling.

So, I’m doing something I never thought I’d do. I’ve seen other people do it but it has always scared me to throw my blog to the wind in a sort of “open line Friday” way when you are in control of what we talk about.

Plus what if I do this and I only get one question? Oh, the humiliation.

What I’m getting around to is you get to ask me a question. What do you want to know about Chickadee that I haven’t already covered?